RAW HUMOUR's AVOCADO AVEC KALE SALATA
This is a recipe losely based on one I was taught by Chad Sarno whilst doing level one of his Raw Chef Trainings some years ago. It is a recipe that has saved me on many occasions and is also great to have along side an organic pizza should you feel the urge.
INGREDIENTS
1 x Large bag of Finely chopped Dark green Kale (Organic and free from worms if possible)
2 x chopped Ripe but not rotten and black Avocados
Juice of 1 lemon
4 x Chopped Medium Sized "Red" Tomatos (not those orange excuses for tomatos you get from Tescos!)
1 x pinch of Ceyenne Pepper
1 x ts of Celtic sea salt or Himalayan Crystal Salt (or Ancient Mineral Rich Superfood Salt!)
Olive Oil (Enough to lightly cover your kale when mixed not so much the kale is swimming in it!)
1 x Finely Chopped Onion (Some kitchen towel to wipe your eyes should you cry whilst chopping it)
A tiny dash of Apple Cider Vinegar (Optional depending on strictness of diet and levels of self control)
EQUIPMENT
One large mixing bowl
One wooden spoon
A large sharp chefs knife
Chopping board
Small Citrus Juicer (optional) If not you can use your knife instead
METHOD
STEP 1: Open your bag of kale as per the instructions on the bag or preferably buy fresh kale from a farmers market or organic store and save yourself the hassle of having to open a bag and having to then throw it away and recycle it.
Wash your kale making sure there are no worms hiding away in it.
Drain off the excess water which can be used to rinse off your hands later on, and then place the clean kale carefully in a bowl ready for the next step.
STEP 2: Next pick up your chefs knife by the handle and prepare yourself for some serious chopping. If you are under 10 years old get an adult to help you.
Grab a hand full of kale, place it centrally on the chopping board and begin carefully chopping the kale. (Read Warning below..before you start chopping not during!)
I always find that the better you chop the kale the better the salad tastes so it is well worth taking some time and effort to get the kale well and truly chopped
STEP 3: Next sprinkle your chosen salt over the well chopped kale, or not so well chopped kale if you have rushed step 1.
Now begin to massage the salt into the kale. I should have mentioned that you should always clean your hands before starting this recipe because it is a get your hands in there recipe.
It is important you do this step in sequnce. Massaging the salt in first begins to wilt the kale and make it softer and more pallatable.
STEP 4: Now its time to add the avocado. Not many people have ever opened an avocado before so here is a really cool way of doing it without risk of injury or loss of limbs.
Make sure that your knife is sharp and that you have a tight grip of the handle.
Hole the blade parallel to the chopping board and begin cutting the avocado at one end in the middle. Begin moving the knife around the avocado making sure to keep the blade at the same angle!
STEP 5: If you have followed this step correctly, the avocado should split open as shown in the picture to the right.
Note that the hard avocado pit has not been split but resides in one half of the avocado.
Before putting the avocado into the salad you need to remove the pit. Here is how to get it out easily.
STEP 6: To get the pit out, hold the knife in your favoured hand (the one you would use to play darts for example) and make sure your wrist is nice and flexible.
Now aim the blade of the knife at the middle of the pit. Swing the knife in a downwards direction from a distance of about 3 inches away and hopefully the knife will sink into the pit. Twist it and lift it out. You may have to pull the pitt off the knife with your other hand.
Now cut up the avocado by scoring vertical and h orizontal lines into it and then scoop out the avocado into your bowl .
STEP 7: Turn your attention to your nice round red juicy tomatos.
Using your knife and not the wooden spoon, chop them all into nice little chunks again making sure not to slice your fingers. If you do cut yourself you will instantly be reminded how acidic tomatos are by a sharp stinging sensation.
Once they are chopped add them into your bowl.
STEP 8: Now do exactly the same as you did with the tomatos in step 7 but this time chop your onion.
The same warning applies. Try not to cut your fingers as this will hurt. Whilst cutting onions you may start to feel irritation around your eyes and begin to cry. The worst thing you can do is to wipe your eyes with onion contaminated fingers as this will really sting your eyes big time. Place chopped onion into bowl once you've stopped crying!
STEP 9: An ingredient not to forget. Lemon Juice! If you do it could end in disaster.
In order to get the juice of the lemon out you will need to cut your lemon in half using the knife.
A little citrus juicer is very handy to actually get the juice out from the skin but if you haven't got one then wiggle your knife in it and get the juice out like that. Try not to let any lemon pips fall into your salad as they could get stuck in your teeth when eating your salata and taste bitter.
STEP 10: This step is very easy.
Take the lid off your bottle of olive oil.
Pour the desired amount into the bowl. Enough to mix into the mixture but not so much that your kale is swimming in olive oil. If you are having trouble digesting fats then you might like to add in less than you normally would especially because avocados are also fatty and it could over load your already struggling digestive system.
STEP 11: This step is optional and depends on your level of raw strictness.
Adding the apple cider vinegar is the same as step 10 bu for heavens sake do not add as much apple cider vinegar as you did olive oil. This will undoubtedly spoil your salata and make it almost inedible.
The tiniest of splashes can make the salata more palatable especially if you are at the early stages of transition away from a particularly junk food diet.
STEP 12: This step should be given the utmost attention. A mistake with this step could end up in you having to rush to casualty later with mouth burns.
Add a pinch of cayenne pepper to your bowl.
If you are highly experienced in the kitchen you can sprinkle it directly from your jar but Raw Humour cannot be held responsible for any injuries sustained as a direct result of too much cayenne pepper accidentaly entering the recipe bowl.
STEP 13: Now comes the fun part...mixing it all together!
To really get the best results you will need to use your bare hands and get stuck in.
For some the experience will be fun and liberating, for others it could be a complete nightmare. If you can't bear the thought of getting your hands covered in olive oil and tomato juice then see option 13a.
STEP 13a: The alternative option to step 13 is to chicken out and use your wooden spoon instead.
This alternative option is particularly recommended if you suffer from a cleanliness OCD.
Once you have stirred it thoughrouly your Avocado Avec Kale Salata is pronto.
THE FINISHED PRODUCT:
Carefully put your salata into a decorative bowl.
Be sure to take a photo of it before eating it.
Enjoy ;-)
WARNING: Always make sure when cutting the kale that you do not cut your fingers. The blood can drip into the recipe and may alter the taste of the end product.
RECIPE DISCLAIMER: Raw Humour cannot be held responsible for any worms that manage to make it into the finsished salad. Although the thought of that might be alarming you will have at least eaten a raw worm laden with enzymes and probably a good dosage of B12 for good measure.
