To send people you care about a FREE Raw Humour Vitamin L12 increasing GIFT simply click the pic above!
GREAT SAVINGS FOR RAW FOODERS!
50% Discount to all members of the official RAW FOOD MOVEMENT! JOIN NOW
EDUCATION MATERIALS
COMPLETELY BANANAS by BANANA RIDER (ebook)
The NEW ebook by Banana Rider, the worlds foremost authority on banana nutrition. This is everything you need to know about bananas and how to succeed on the raw food diet by eating bananas. Its all a matter of getting enough inches inside of you.
RRP: FREE
RAW HUMOUR PRICE: £19.99 ($40) exclusive of VAT
BUY NOW FOR IMMEDIATE DOWNLOAD!!!!
RAW FOOD ITEMS
NEW!
RAW SEX ENHANCEMENT
NATURE'S LITTLE BLUE PILLS
Forget Viagra and all those side effects. Blueberries is where its really at!. Nature didn't make the BLUE by accident!
Although people have definitely experienced amazing long lasting effects using Viagra, Viagra does nothing to address the many other factors causing the problems in the first place like dietary choices and lifestyle choices.
Blueberries are superfoods, and superfoods equals supersex according to raw food scientists who were able to far outsex scientists fuelled on viagra.
Blueberries are currently NOT legislated by the food and drugs agency, BUT BE QUICK! Once they find out these little blueberries work they will bring in laws that make them illegal requiring them to be prescribed by a medical doctor.
Ordinary blueberries cost about 2.99 BUT because these are Superfood berries with rather super effects these blueberries are priced at 14.99 plus postage and packing!
CAUTION: Blueberries also increase fertility. Raw Humour cannot be held responsible for any accidental fertilization accidents. Always use a Raw Humour 100% natural, slightly curved for her enjoyment and your comfort, banana skin condom in conjunction with this item!
VITAMIN L12
This is our TOP selling Product!
100% Pure, 100% aw Organic Vitamin L12.
If Raw isn't working for you, then you could one of the people who is suffering from chronic Vitamin L12 deficiency syndrome!
Get your regular dosage by supplementing with this top quality nutritional supplement!
It doesn't get any better than this!
Extracted from some the DNA of some of the funniest comediens around.
Priced at only £35 ($70) for a one months supply. CAUTION: Over usage can cause hysteria and can cause hernias in the unfit and old.
Vitamin L12 levels can also be raised naturally by laughing and by signing up to The Raw E-Newsletter, but we would prefer you to at least try supplementing first.
CACAO ANTS
Worried about your Vitamin B12 levels?
Getting bored with your normal raw chocolate recipes?
Then you need CACAO ANTS!
Come in three great flavours: Regular Cacao Ants, Red Cacao Ants, and Fire Cacao Ants (Hot n Spicy)
All of the ants used in our products have been killed by drowning them in water below 114 degrees which ensures that all the enzymes in their lifeless bodies remain alive.
All of the microbes and parasites are then removed from their stomachs and they are then washed again in a tasteless cleaner to ensure that they are free from aflotoxins and other nasties.
Then they are sent to our raw chocolatier who dunks them skillfully into our various patented chocolate recipes using the finest raw chocolate to be found anywhere on the planet. Our chocolate is free from all highly toxic chemicals and to ensure all of the nasties are killed it is put in a pressure chamber to reduce the boiling temperaturs of water and then blasted with steam that is never allowed to reach high temperatures due to the high pressure.
50g Bags are £9.99 ($20.00)
DR THEODORE QUACKERY's GREEN FOOD
It has the highest ORAC rating of any green food on the planet! How do we know this? Because Dr Quackery says so. With over 50 years on medicine Dr Quackery knows quackery when he sees it!
Comes in a global warming protected container made from non leaching materials. Tastes like pond water but boy does it do you good!
"If it doesn't work you can always go back to good old drugs!" - Dr Quackery, MD
RRP £75 ($150) for a 5oz pot.
MACA, CACAO, ORMUS INFUSED SPRING WATER
Are you wondering what the best water to drink is???
Well this is it!
AS SEEN BEING DRUNK BY SHANGRI LA LOVE MOON HIMSELF IN SHANGRI LA LOVE MOONS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
Quite frankly there isn't a better water on the planet.
All of our spring water is guaranteed over 1000000 years old and completely free from all known toxins and contaminants.
NOTE: We cannot however guarantee that it is free from all unknown contaminants such as dinosaur excrement and terradactil droppings
The water is collected lovingly by caring workers who are blessed by an essene priest shortly before starting work. The containers are made of the finest non leaching materials known to man as used by NASA Cosmonaughts to collect Moon Dust Samples.
The high grade cacao and maca is then gently infused into the super structured water using a TOP SECRET patented method giving it super healing powers known only to ancient gods of health ...UNTIL NOW.
Each bottle is worth its weight in gold hence the high price tag
£99 ($180) per 10oz Bottle
EQUIPMENT
100% RAW MELON ANTI SWINE FLU PANDEMIC PROTECTIVE SUPERMASKS
The raw melon face mask fits comfortably over your nose and mouth giving you 100% protection against the swine flu virus. No need for handkechiefs when you sneeze because all your microspores are contained within the mask protecting who ever is in the vacinity and preventing the spread of this highly contagious disease.
A real bargain priced at only £24.99 these face masks are not only fashionable and environmentally friendly, they are hypoallergenic and have no known side effects unlike vaccines and other anti viral protective countermeasures. Each mask comes with a free length of string to make attaching the mask to your face even easier and frees up your hands so that they can even be worn whilst driving your car or whilst operating large farm machinery. Remember these masks are not available in the shops. Order yours NOW before who ever it is in charge of upping the alert status changes it to level 6 and declares a full blown pandemic. Avoid the world wide rush to get these rather fetching anti viral protective devices.
£24.99 ($50) Excluding attachment cord)
A.B.C SUIT (ALL OVER BODY CONDOM)
100% Protection Against Everything Known To Man GUARANTEED!
Are you worried about pollution? Are you afraid of being contaminated by chemicals? Concerned about mobile phone masts, mobile phones, computers and other electrical interference? Worried that you might be eating food that isn't 100% raw? Fearful of breathing just in case you breath in some pathogenic microbes? Unable to detect if your food has been irradiated? WELL FEAR NO MORE! Available now from The Raw Humour Online Health shop....
The complete protective UV filter, carbon impregnated, EMF neutralizing, Mobile phone and transmitter proof Tachyon charged chemical and toxin detecting all over body condom with self contained filtered ionized air system.
With this little baby you could camp right next to a mobile phone mast and not damage a single cell in your body guaranteed. Made from 100% recycled non heated raw hemp fibre, this suit is Organic and soil association certified as well as being Kosher and blessed by the Dhali Lama. It is a must for all raw fooders everywhere. Free Vitamix pouch and safe enema extension flap and recycle bucket with every order before the end of June 2008. All suits come complete with a "food in" air lock so that all food for consumption passes through a detoxification chamber before it passes into your mouth. A red light flashes if any toxins microbial forms or chemicals are present and an audible alarm sounds if the food has been cooked microwaved irradiated or x -rayed. At last being raw has never been easier. Simply put on the suit and continue to live your life as normal...let the Raw all over body condom take the worry out of being raw.
Comes in 3 trendy exciting colours white, linen coloured and cacao brown Unisex one size fits all.
Available for Only $6000 each UK Price £10,000 due to increased fuel charges and VAT
WARNING: Be careful to maintain adequate water supplies as you will sweat your bo**ox off. No refunds will be accepted from clients who are returning it simply because they look stupid in it.
DISCLAIMER: Clients wear this suit at their own risk and no responsibilty can be accepted should someone have an accident or die whilst wearing this suit due to poor movement or visibility.
EXCLUSIVE TO RAW HUMOUR PATENTED BANANA PEELER
A popular item with 80 10 10 males who have to do a lot of peeling and need to get it done fast!
Simply insert your banana into the device and retract when you feel the skin come off.
(ALSO REMOVES THOSE ANNOYING STRINGY BITS!)
£29.99 ($40.00)
Can also be used on cucumbers and any other long fruits and vegetables.
CAUTION ! CONTAINS SHARP BLADES WHICH CAN RESULT IN PERSONAL INJURY SHOULD THIS EQUIPMENT BE MISUSED FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSES
NEW!
RAW HUMOUR BANANA SKIN CONDOMS
How frustrating is it that after going 100% raw and having detoxed your whole world from potentially harmful man made materials you then have to use a rubber prophylactic that leaches rubber into your system through sexual contact.
Well all that is a thing of the past with Raw Humour's patented Banana Skin Condom.
EASY HEALTHY AND QUICK TO USE
SPECIAL DISCOUNT ORDERS OF 30+ BANANA CONDOMS
SPECIAL FEATURES:
NATURAL BANANA FLAVOUR!
GUARANTEED 100% RAW 100% SAFE
NATURAL SAFE EDIBLE LUBRICANT
VARIOUS SIZES
SOLD IN BUNCHES OF 3
ACTS AS A GREAT CHAT UP LINE
AVAILABLE IN 3 COLOURS: YELLOW, SPECKLED & GREEN
SLIGHTLY CURVED FOR HER ENJOYMENT
DRIVES YOUR PARTNER BANANAS!
REAL RAW MEN DON’T USE ANYTHING ELSE!
3.99 per Banana Skin Condom. (Can be re-used and recycled as compost)
ENDORSED BY BANANA RIDER, the world's leading authority on banana nutrition.
"When ever I need natural protection there is nothing like the soft, natural feel and shape of a Raw Humour banana skin condom! Peel it, stick it on and away you go. It'll also give you more energy as its the only condom with a high calorific content!"
GIFTS
GREETINGS CARDS
The perfect way to tell the raw person in your life that you care is to send one of our Conscious Greetings Cards
Each one of our cards are lovingly printed on 100% raw recycled edible hemp card from an ethical, non profit making, enlightened, environmentally friendly, sustainable source!
Come in packs of 5, including 5 recyled envelopes (Please note that because these cards and envelopes are recycled natural products colour, size, smell and shape may vary from card to card!
RRP: £10 ($20) per pack.
BEFORE PURCHASING ANY OF THESE PRODUCTS READ THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE!
PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL THESE PRODUCTS ARE COMPLETELY MADE UP FOR THE PURPOSES OF RAISING VITAMIN L12 LEVELS AND ARE NOT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE. IF YOU DO SEND ME CASH I WILL MAKE SURE THAT IT GETS SPENT WISELY ON ECO FRINEDLY PRODUCTS LIKE RECYCLED CHIP FAT TO RUN MY BIO FUEL CONVERTED ASTON MARTIN DB9.
If you are hell bent of handing over your money, then you might like to make a donation to Raw Humour to further help me in my mission to make the world a happier healthier place!
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Disclaimer: All of the information contained on this website is for emotional enhancing, educational and motivational purposes only, and should in no way be considered as a substitute for conventional advice given to you from a conventionaly trained medical doctor. There have been no conventional studies and there is no hard scientific evidence that proves that laughter, fresh air, exercise, clean water, adequate sleep and fresh, ripe, raw, organic produce can improve your health and help not only prevent disease but help you body heal itself from disease if it is given everything that it needs to do so. It is illegal for anyone other than a medical doctor to say that they can heal you. The truth is that only you can heal yourself. It is currently still legal for a "healthy" person to try and avoid disease although there are attempts to try and make it illegal for anyone who is not a trained medical nutritionist to follow a healthy lifestyle, without first getting sick and being given toxic pharmaceutical drugs, which do not work in conjunction with the body and cause potentially harmful side effects, for a few years first.
